"Haha... I'm gross"

That was the quote that ended my last entry. It's funny, because I can't remember a time since I was 10 or so that I would ever have ended a thought about my appreciation for breasts that way. I guess it's only fair to say my perspective is a little different from the usual. And that's somewhat scary.

Like, I love breasts. As a man, my eyes are immediately drawn to them, I'm a little embarrassed (and elsewise proud) to say. But even yet I've maybe had too much for them and am only embarrassed when I look like a girl looking at other girls, especially because my interest is nominal at best these days. Nobody wants to be outside the norm, least of all me any moreso than I already am.

Then I find a picture like the one here. I didn't catch the photographer (and I am absolutely embarrassed about that, as a journalist,) but I think his (or her) work is gorgeous. It's not pornographic, but I'll admit, it got me a little... aherm.

It was a long exhausting day at school. I wrote my last entry from class. It was then that I realized I had picked about the worst time of year to experiment with my own gender by way or magical medallion, since I'm dealing with school ending this week, and family and Christmas and everything, I've needlessly complicated things. Ugh, what a shmuck I've been.

I came home after 6, heated up some veal, and spent an hour or so slouched in a chair playing video games. It was not a very dainty, ladylike position, with my neck craned upward and my crotch roughly on a level with my chin. I figure I've only got a few more weeks left of playing WWE Smackdown vs. RAW 2006 before I ifnally cave and get 2007. Somehow, however, after parting with my testicles, I seem to have lost that competitive edge. I hate to say this - Jesus I do because I don't think that's the actual cause - but I didn't ge tthe same flow as I did when I was a man. My reactions were sloppy and off and I got my ass kicked by the CPU. CPU! Maybe I was just less interested in playing some dude knocking some other dude around. So I went into Create-A-Superstar and designed my new "Self." She looks pretty bad, and no matter what you do I think she has to have improbably large breasts (just ike all the women on WWE television,) but I gave her my name and clothes and something vaguely resembling my hair.

I went to Wal-Mart after dinner. I don't like Wal-Mart, but it's the only place around here to get digital photos done. Right across from the electronics section was the women's section, more specifically the underwear aisle (now there's a juxtaposition.) The line was long so I kept finding my eye wandering and trying to imagine myself in some of the garments there. Modestly, I couldn't really. I guess in my head I'm still kind of a boxers guy, even if the little bow on the front of my undies suggest differently (what's up with that bow anyway?)

Ahead of me was this teenage girl printing out photos, I guess of her and her boyfriend. She was taking a long while when her mom showed up and asked what the hold up was. Finally, the mom said she wasn't going to wait around like this. The girl tried to stomp her foot to get her way. If a boy had tried that, man, you know it wouldn't work. And it didn't work for her, either.

as for me, I got home in plenty good time to watch WWE Monday Night RAW. Now it's not as though I was suddenly less into the Divas or magically understood what girls see in John Cena. But there was a really good tag team match (both a tag team and six-man tag actually,) and there was nothing that made me feel embarrassed to be a girl (like say, some kind of lame DX skit.) In fact, I think Victoria's doing a terrific job chasing Mickie James for the Women's title, and that's what I've felt since before she and I had something in common.

Wrestling is such a male-oriented form of entertainment but it's not like I've never known women who watch it. Half-naked guys rolling around on the floor? Come on. But it's more of an involving experience, an adrenaline rush when you can put yourself in the wrestler's shoes maybe. Not altogether ineffective, but then again, I'm not much of a mark these days to begin with. I was even talking recently about how the show wasn't as interesting lately as it could be. But I'll say this... when Umaga incapacitated Jeff Hardy, I felt really sorry for Jeff and mad at Umaga.

My god, maybe I am a mark...

It's a good thing RAW didn't come later in the week and that this is as temporary as it is. If this trend was likely to continue, I might find myself buying the John Cena pink camo baby tee

-Alex